Now I started flipping through the album, looking over the pictures of the cute little slim girl with the straight long blond hair and big blue eyes. She ? I ? was really a beautiful kid. At first the thought made me feel sick, but then I remembered my commitment. There were lots of pictures of bathing suits, ballet outfits, other dance costumes, Halloween costumes, pictures of "me" in gymnastics leotards doing all kinds of jumps, twists and stretches (she could do the splits ? I wondered if I still could). She was always dressed up really pretty.I walked to the bathroom to get a look at myself in the mirror. I realized that I really did look quite pretty, even during a hospital stay. There would be no escaping this. I went back to my bed and thought about everything.Just as I was finishing thinking this out, body-Mom and an orderly came to take me to my last PT session. Figuring this would be a good way to start, to concretize my new decision and that this might also please. Confident. I am nervous. Anxious. More and more ill at ease as the minutes pass...The chair is hard on my bare bum. I shift and fidget. She calmly waits...She's taking her time; letting me stew. She can see that I sense there is something difficult on the horizon. Just a few moments away.At last Neena finishes her coffee. I sigh with relief. Now we will move on, now I can come to grips with the next challenge, whatever it is. She sets her cup carefully to one side and motions me to do likewise. I do as she indicates. She gives me these small courtesies but they all feel like defeats, steps down a road that I do not wish to travel. The trouble is, whichever way I turn, it's always the same road.Neena looks me directly in the eyes and leans forward. She opens the box between us. Just for a split second, it does have the look of jewellery: an ancient celtic torc (1) but an instant later I know what it really is: a slave collar; my slave collar. It is polished, shining, bare metal..
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